Fighting with Faith.....

You know when you get ready to go through a tunnel,and the old saying is "hold your breath until you come out". Well you hold your breath and you cant wait to see the light knowing the end is almost there and you can let your breath out.....Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is always comforting


Sometimes in our life we don't always see the light at the end, we feel like we are stuck in the middle of that tunnel and can't get out .  But in the midst of being in the middle we have the hope that we will get out and be able to breath again. 

As everyone knows I was diagnosed February 17, 2014 with cancer. It was a huge shock to Chad and I, we just thought it was a cyst on my knee and since they couldn't drain it, they would remove it.  But God had other plans and it is a very rare sarcoma cancer. Last week seems like a huge blur, the doctor tried to do a biopsy in the room and it didn't work , so we had to go back the 20th and do an open biopsy. So we went back and a very dear friend and sister to me drove us so we could just relax , and they did the surgery, and he had to remove 80 % of the tumor because it started to grow out of my skin. They told me to come back Monday March 3 for the results. They said if its the sarcoma they think it is then it will be 3 months of chemo and 3 months resting then 6 months recovery, so they said give them a year and i'll be good as new.  

I'm still believing and praying the biopsy comes back and the doctors say "Wow we dont know how to explain this but its not cancer" and if God choose for it to still be cancer then there is a reason. Last Monday I asked the doctor what caused it, and he said bad luck. So I don't believe in bad luck .....I believe that God has allowed this to happen for a reason and everyone is going to see His hand and work in this, and He will get the glory. 

It has been a tough week and I have had some sad moments, but we can feel everyone's prayer and love, that's what is getting us through. We were able to go in for the weekend to see our parents and family, we both needed that as well as they did. God gave me the strength to have fun, laugh and even cry with our family. My knee is still sore, but as time goes it gets better. 

I cant ask God right now " Why  Me?" because Chad and I have already seen Him in our youth, family,friends and us. So I don't want to ask because we are all growing in Christ and becoming stronger . There are so many songs that are helping me and getting me through this. I am trusting and believing that what ever happens and what ever we go through God has us and He isn't letting us go. One song that says everything we are praying for is  'You Can Trust Our God', by love and the outcome. We can trust our God , He knows what He is doing, it might hurt now but we won't be ruined. I won't be ruined from this, Ill be stronger and ill be a different and better person from this . I'm already learning through this and knowing we have everyone's love, and prayers it just absolutely amazing . Words can never explain how much Chad and I are so grateful to have yall's love. Thank you for the women who have reached out to me that has gone through this or a family member that has gone through it. Your encouraging words are very uplifting and thank you for thinking of me.  

To end on a very happy note.....last night we picked up our kids for Aftershock and I walked into our room called The Well and all of our sweet kids made posters and hung up, and cut out different shapes with different encouraging sayings on them and hung them from the ceiling. They also printed out my motto: Fighting with Faith and put it on a huge cross that we have in our room, then the cherry on top of the ice cream one of our sweet youths, she did an interpretive dance to Casting Crown Who am I... Wow I am so loved, and very honored that God chose us to be their youth leaders and for me to be their big sister! 

Again everything that keeps coming up in devotions .. Songs...sermons and out of peoples mouth is Be Still and Know.... So that's what I am hanging on to and knowing in the end He wins and Ill be back to normal. Just what ever your going through I know it might hurt or seem so hard, or you think your in the middle of that tunnel but don't give up , He is pushing you through and know you will come out even stronger , and as Mandisa says "You will be an over comer"

Thank you again for praying, emails, love, text, phone calls and just thinking about us. Because when we are sad that's what uplifts us 

" Be strong and courageous . Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you" Deuteronomy 31:6

  

Sometimes when things break.....

 When things break, we normally get upset because we either didn't mean to do it or it is sentimental and it hurts us. I accidentally break things all the time.

 One of my memories I think of often is when I was 6, yes I remember things that long ago, my daddy got me one of those punch balls. I was so excited , he blew it up for me and told me " Be careful and don't hit it on ceiling it will pop". I told him I would be very careful, So I went into my room and started punching it, well maybe 2 minutes in,  it hit the ceiling and guess what it does.....It POPS!!! I was so upset for two reasons, number 1 I had so much fun with it I

was upset it was gone, and number 2, I didn't want to upset my daddy. When people give me things I try to take care of it because it was nice he got that for me. Now I had to tell him, and I do remember him looking and me and said " I told you to be careful," but he wasn't upset for long.

Well as I have gotten older and I've grown deeper into God's love, I've learned breaking isn't really a bad thing, actually in God its the best thing.  When we are broken that's when God can use us the most. Sometimes it's not fun being broken, but in the end we always learn something amazing from it. 

I've recently been broken, AGAIN, and like always it's been an interesting learning experience. It makes me dig deep into the word more, not because I'm questioning but because I know He wants me to learn, so I ask him. The other morning I read my 3 devotions and everyone  was on humility and poor in spirit, and I asked Him what He wanted me to learn and do with this, and like He has shown me in the last 5 weeks, " Be Still and Know" I'm grateful for the waiting and having to be still, no its not easy, it comes with prayer, but always in my time of brokenness, I hear Him clearer, and see the little things He wants me to see. It makes me aware of the things I still need to change, and it makes me happy He loves me this much to break me and for me to be used by Him.

Something I realized this week, is that the last two times I've been broken and feel like I'm in the valley and stuck, I came out on top quicker then normal, Like this week, dealing with something that is my heart desires and its just not Gods timing, but it still hurts, the next day after prayer, sharing whats going on with a sweet dear friend, and my husband , and seeking Him I felt like I was on the mountain top. In the past it took longer to get on top again, but this time it didn't because I am recognizing what God wants me to do, and I'm seeking Him and asking what He wants me to learn from this. AND the biggest one of all, I just prayed for me not to get bitter, and for people to see Jesus through me. I had to be humble and to admit how I felt and that my heart hurts but I want Jesus's way, even if I have to Be Still a lot longer then I want to. 

So don't be discouraged next time you are broken, sit down, open your bible and ask Him to teach you what He wants you to learn. And don't be stubborn, admit what you need to change and bask in His love. 


"Humble yourself before the Lord , and He will lift you up"
 James 4:10

Generation to Generation.....

 

    From generation to generation we pass things down. Sometimes we don't realize how important it is what and when we pass them down..........


   We recently went on a staff retreat, and at night we had devotions, and one of them was on Joshua 22:27. We must share with our generations to come what God is doing in our lives and how we handle the situations so they will have hope, and know what to do. We need to be that leader God calls us to be, and to encourage , give hope and to let each other know God has us. If we don't share then Hope will not be passed down.

  I have gone through a lot of health issues and God has always gotten me through it and shown me His will. I must tell the world of His great love and how He never left me. One of my hearts desires is to have a baby. I want to be a mommy so bad, but until I can get healthy I must wait. I have another issue that has come up and I finally went to the dr, and I just thought it was fluid around the knee and they would drain it. Well it cant be that simple with me....its a complex cyst and they have to do surgery to remove it. But before they remove it the dr wants to make sure where its coming from so I have to have an MRI, one week away. So I'm having to wait and see what will happen. And I must share with my girls everything God is teaching me and showing me. He gave me my girls for so many reasons, and the most important one is to tell them how amazing God is and how He will always get us through EVERYTHING!! I know that's why God allows me to go through the health issues, I must tell how He takes care of me. My girls are my world, and I'm giving them hope for them to see that God will never leave us or forsake us.

I'm very blessed God chose me to be a big sister to all the girls I have. God is showing me more things to teach them and the greatest thing is just be me and be that witness to them. I am honest with them and share all my crazy past and for them to see He loves us all even when we stray. One of groups I enjoy listening to is Hillsong United , they have a song called Tell the World, and we must tell all generations about the love of our savior!  If we don't, who will!  Its time for us to stand up and be that generation! Maybe its sharing with some teenage girls or maybe its sharing with your coworkers.....share Jesus!

 

Feed.....Nourishment......Provision

Food & Friends........They go together so well

       When it comes to food, specially gluten free food, its a lot harder to eat out in Harlan Ky. Normally its the Mexican restaurant for us, I get chicken fajitas with corn tortillas . So when we go speak to churches, go to Tn to visit family or go to the dr in Johnson City I look forward to eating good food. My favorite place is Chick Fil A, they have grilled chicken and I can eat their fries because they cook them in a separate fryer, and then I get half sweet tea half lemonade to drink, YUMMO,  I Love it,I wished Harlan County would get a Chick Fil A. When I lived in White House I took all this for granted. That was before I found out  I was allergic to gluten, but I always thought the places I liked to eat was at my finger tips. 

      When we were in FL we ate at a place that had gluten free pizza and had gelato. When we ate at Red Brick Pizza place it was such a special treat. The only way I get pizza at home is to make it and its very good but there is nothing like going to a place, ordering pizza, and sitting down and eating it with a coke! So we ate the gluten free pizza and took in every moment. Being gluten free made me realize how much I just assumed I would always have. When we go to Johnson city , Chad knows whats for lunch, there aren't too many fast food places I can eat where I get a good protein. Chick Fil A it is, then we get Zaxbys  hot wings to go for dinner when we get home. Going to Johnson City is about an 1 hr and 45 minutes from us, that's the closest mall and major places to eat. So now I realize when I get to go to cherish every moment.

    Thinking about food reminds me of friends and family. We always eat when we get together and we will make any excuse to eat. Well we treat our friends and family just like we treat food, we take them for granted. Being missionaries , and living 5 hrs away from family, it makes me think how much we do take them for granted. We must feed our friends with the love and nutrients that is giving to us from God. He always provides and when He gives us the wisdom we must help each other. Feeding our belly's and feeding our friendship is so much a like, we must be aware of the friends and families that need to be fed with His love. We must let His love pour out of us, and then we need to soak it in and spread that love. Just like when we make dinner for our families or other people, we share, so we must share His love!

    Next time you eat your favorite meal with your best friend, or family,take it all in. Enjoy the moment and don't think of it as just an ordinary day!

   

Just Float........

                                             

85 and Sunny.....feeling the warm sun on my face, toes in the sand, feeling the ocean waves trying to knock me down........JUST FLOAT

     Chad and I went on vacation to Panama City Beach Fl for our anniversary last week. His parents have a time share and let us go every year. Its a blessing because if we couldn't use it we wouldn't be able to go. 

  We left last Monday after our Fall Festival which was amazing!!! Having the fall festival before we went this year was the best way to do it, we had great weather and when we got to Fl we could just relax! Every time we go to the beach we think of it as our last because with us being faith based missionaries we are never guaranteed that we have the money to go. So we treasure every moment while we are there, from the ride down there, to going to walmart and buying groceries,to going down on the beach and putting our toes in the sand for the first time! Its a true blessing from God every time we go.   

  I get up almost every morning to watch the sunrise. We have Mts all around us and we don't get to see it, so I take it all in and know its a gift from God to be able to see it come up. Chad and I sit with blankets around us, because we are always on a high floor, this year we were on level 15 not as high as other times. The wind is always blowing and we cuddle up and and watch this amazing bright orange-yellow sun come up over the buildings. WOW, every time I see it, I'm always amazed. We of course eat breakfast,pack our lunch in a cooler,and head down to the beach. We have made friends with a lady that works for a beach chair rental, she is there every year and we love seeing her and talking about what happen in the last year. We enjoy seeing kids with their families there. This year I think every school has gone on fall break that week and it was pact, but still nice to enjoy the sun! I thought of our youth many of times while we were on the beach. Thinking of their senior year and we might all be on that beach laughing and making so many memories one day. I didn't think I could miss them that much, but they stole my heart,and I thought of them all every day!

  We ate some great sea food, most places had gluten free menu so I was able to have mahi mahi sandwich  and it was nice eating a bun again!! Chad and I just enjoyed laying on the beach and reading books and just being with each other. We don't get to spend a lot of Just Us time and it was really nice to have that gift. We would get in the water and it was amazing to feel the fish swimming around my feet and hearing the waves break on the shore. JUST FLOAT...wow if only we could do that every day when life gets crazy and we want to scream, we should remember to float! When I see the ocean, the sting rays, dolphin's and the sun set I always think of Chris Tomlin's song " Indescribable" God placed all the stars, the ocean , the waves, the grass, every part of it on this earth, and only He could do that!!! It amazes me when I look off our our balcony and see the mass ocean and sting rays floating. Its a huge blessing to be able to see that part of what God created."They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works" Psalms 145: 5

  We went to shell Island for our anniversary and had a great day picking shells, and Chad found 5 whole sand dollars! That is something we do when we go to the beach we love looking for sand dollars. We saw dolphins while we were on the boat going back , and watching the sun go down was priceless. To end the night our favorite place to eat on our anniversary was closed Sunday so we ate at a pizza place, had great gluten free pizza and gelato  for dessert....Yummo! Then we ate the last night at Capt Anderson s, had grilled grouper, steak and lobster tail! We look forward to that every year!

  We had a wonderful 6th year Anniversary! Our family and church family checked on us through out the week and our youth text us seeing when we were coming home!!! Its great to be loved and missed! Back in Benham Ky, left FL  80 degrees to 38 degrees, but its great to be home, see the Mts and see our sweet church family and youth! Thank you all for making it special , and for all the sweet wishes!!! God is so good!

"Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;let the sea resound, and all that is in it; Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then allthe trees of the forest will sing for joy" Psalms 96:11-12